


A Finger Slip (Gizoogled)

by Pawtal (orphan_account)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Funny, Gizoogle, M/M, sherlock crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-23
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-09 07:37:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Pawtal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Say hello to the Gizoogled version of A Finger Slip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Finger Slip (Gizoogled)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry, but this was too fucking hilarious not to post.
> 
> Emily, dis is fo' yo thugged-out ass.

 

 

(Fri 3:24pm)  
I’m all up in tha store now, is there anythang you want me ta brang over fo' tonight?

 

_(Fri 3:25pm)_  
 _I wasn’t aware anythang was goin down tonight. But if you must come over, brang some petri dishes. I’ve run out._

 

(Fri 3:27pm)  
Petri dishes, biatch? What, biatch? I thought we was watchin pornos...

 

_(Fri 3:27pm)_  
 _Movies, Greg, biatch? Fo' realz, biatch? We’re not 12 year oldschool girls._

 

(Fri 3:30pm)  
Oh, I’m not Greg. Must be a wack number, sorry!

 

_(Fri 3:31pm)_  
 _I see. Too dim ta check tha number you’re straight-up texting, then. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Drunk, maybe._

 

(Fri 3:32pm)  
It’s straight-up cuz I gots a gangbangin' freshly smoked up phone, n' I holla'd sorry, no need ta be a snarky git.

 

_(Fri 3:32pm)_  
 _Well you’ve wasted mah time._

 

(Fri 3:33pm)  
Jesus. Fine, go back ta you’re petri dishes.

 

_(Fri 3:33pm)_  
 _*Your._

 

(Fri 3:33pm)  
What?

 

_(Fri 3:35pm)_  
 _I erected yo' grammar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. It’s what tha fuck tha fuck tha fuck playas whoz ass fear fo' tha lack of intelligent playas still on tha hood do._

 

(Fri 3:36pm)  
I be intelligent son! It was autocorrected.

 

_(Fri 3:36pm)_  
 _Someone’s a lil defensive._

 

(Fri 3:38pm)  
Is you always dis much of a prick?

 

_(Fri 3:39pm)_  
 _Only when interactin wit idiots, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Which is pretty much everyone._

 

(Fri 3:41pm)  
I bet playas ludd you at work, don’t they.

 

_(Fri 3:41pm)_  
 _College._

 

(Fri 3:42pm)  
Seriously?

 

_(Fri 3:43pm)_  
 _Why is dat so hard ta believe?_

 

(Fri 3:43pm)  
Just tha way yo thugged-out ass... I don’t know.

 

_(Fri 3:44pm)_  
 _Well you’re obviously still up in ejaculation as well. Year 11 all up in tha least, I’d say, judgin from yo' unrefined grammar game._

 

(Fri 3:46pm)  
2nd year at college actually, I’m studyin medicine.

 

_(Fri 3:47pm)_  
 _How tha fuck tha fuck sick._

 

(Fri 3:50pm)  
What tha fuck iz you studying?

 

_(Fri 3:53pm)_  
 _I straight-up don’t study at college. Not no mo', anyway. I do independent work on thangs dat interest mah dirty ass._

 

(Fri 3:54pm)  
But you holla'd at mah wild-ass ass you was up in college...

 

_(Fri 3:55pm)_  
 _Yes, well, I would still be up in college. There was a... thang._

 

(Fri 3:55pm)  
So... you gots expelled?

 

_(Fri 3:57pm)_  
 _Somethang like dat n' like dis n' like dat y'all._

 

(Fri 3:58pm)  
What happened?

 

_(Fri 4:00pm)_  
 _It’s a tedious rap n' I’m a lil busy._

 

(Fri 4:04pm)  
Right, yeah. I’m not straight-up shizzle why I expected you ta share dat shit. I don’t even know yo' name.

 

_(Fri 4:06pm)_  
 _Sherlock._

 

(Fri 4:06pm)  
The fuck is that?

 

_(Fri 4:06pm)_  
 _I be a gangsta yo yo, but y'all knew dat n' mah name. It’s Sherlock._

 

(Fri 4:07pm)  
Yo crazy-ass name is Sherlock?

 

_(Fri 4:07pm)_  
 _Nuff props fo' repeatin what tha fuck tha fuck I just informed yo thugged-out ass._

 

(Fri 4:09pm)  
It’s unusual, that’s all.

 

_(Fri 4:11pm)_  
 _And I’m shizzle yo' name is suttin' incredibly common n' uninteresting._

 

(Fri 4:13pm)  
... John.

 

_(Fri 4:13pm)_  
 _Case closed._

 

(Fri 4:14pm)  
Oh, shut tha fuck up.

 

_(Fri 4:14pm)_  
 _I can’t say it’s not fun._

 

(Fri 4:15pm)  
What, biatch? Annoyin me?

 

_(Fri 4:15pm)_  
 _Yes yes y'all, yeaaaa y'all._

 

(Fri 4:15pm)  
Charming.

 

_(Fri 4:17pm)_  
 _That may be tha last time mah playas has eva used dat word ta describe mah dirty ass._

 

(Fri 4:16pm)  
I’m not surprised ta be perfectly honest. I’m bustin well then?

 

_(Fri 4:16pm)_  
 _I wouldn’t go as far ta say ‘well’. You’re managing._

 

(Fri 4:17pm)  
Right. Well, props fo' bein tha company fo' mah strutt home.

 

_(Fri 4:18pm)_  
 _It was 'aight._

 

(Fri 4:23pm)  
But I gotta say, I be half expectin ta find you climbin all up in mah window tonight wit a knife between yo' teeth. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stranger danger, n' all that.

_(Fri 4:25pm)_  
 _But you’re goin ta one of mah thugs’s doggy den tonight fo' a party, like simple-minded playas do on Fridizzle nights._

 

(Fri 4:26pm)  
Oh yeah.

_(Fri 4:26pm)_  
 _I be a gangsta yo yo, but y'all knew dat n' mah knife can wait._

 

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

 

(Sat 1:25am)  
SHeerrlooockkk. Is dat straight-up yo' name, biatch? Sherrrrlock. Did yo' mum pick it up fo' yo slick ass, biatch? Ha haha

 

_(Sat 1:26am)_  
 _Is dis John?_

 

(Sat 1:26am)  
Maybe.

 

_(Sat 1:28am)_  
 _It’s 1:30am._

 

(Sat 1:30am)  
Do playas call you Sherly, biatch? Haha, or Sherly Temple biaaatch! That’s smart-ass .

 

_(Sat 1:31am)_  
 _This time I know you’re faded._

 

(Sat 1:37am)  
Sorry, dat was mah playa.

 

_(Sat 1:38am)_  
 _What straight-up dope taste up in playaz you have._

 

(Sat 1:38am)  
They’ve all had a lil' bit ta drink.

 

_(Sat 1:38am)_  
 _Clearly._

 

(Sat 1:40am)  
Did it wake yo slick ass?

 

_(Sat 1:42am)_  
 _No fo' realz fo' realz. And there’s no need ta keep textin mah dirty ass. Yo ass don’t even know whoz ass I am._

 

(Sat 1:44am)  
Sure I do, you’re tha serial killa whoz ass murdaz his suckas wit petri dishes.

 

_(Sat 1:45am)_  
 _Yo crazy-ass enthusiazzle ta carry on our rap battlez is worryin n' vergin on buggin._

 

(Sat 1:46am)  
Is you breakin up wit me?

 

_(Sat 1:46am)_  
 _Straight-up funky._

 

(Sat 1:46am)  
I try.

 

_(Sat 1:48am)_  
 _Why don’t you rap ta yo' hoe, instead of avoidin her all night by texting_  
 _me?_

 

(Sat 1:48am)  
How tha fuck tha fuck do you know if I gots a hoe?

 

_(Sat 1:48am)_  
 _Boyfriend?_

 

(Sat 1:48am)  
No.

 

_(Sat 1:49am)_  
 _I just know._

 

(Sat 1:49am)  
You’re a lil creepy.

 

 _(Sat 1:49am)_  
 _I try, yo_.

 

(Sat 1:50am)  
I’m not avoidin her muthafuckin ass.

 

_(Sat 1:50am)_  
 _Of course not._

 

(Sat 1:52am)  
I’m not. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. She’s busy anyway, rappin' ta other people.

 

_(Sat 1:52am)_  
 _Mhmm._

 

(Sat 1:52am)  
If anything, she’s avoidin mah dirty ass.

 

_(Sat 1:53am)_  
 _Lovely._

 

(Sat 1:54am)  
Bitch didn’t even introduce me ta Abbie.

 

_(Sat 1:54am)_  
 _Spectacular._

 

(Sat 1:54am)  
Or ask if I wanted a gangbangin' funky-ass brew.

 

_(Sat 1:55am)_  
 _Who's Abbie?_

 

(Sat 1:55am)  
Bitch always asks if I want a gangbangin' funky-ass brew.

  
 _(Sat 1:57am)_  
 _Jizzy, as much as I would ludd ta peep tha downfall of yo' ludd game unravel up in a giant wave of sudden realisation n' yo' own hopeless despair, I straight-up couldn’t care less._

 

(Sat 1:58am)  
Firstly, dat was oddly poetic. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Secondly, piss off. Katy n' I is perfectly fine.

 

_(Sat 1:58am)_  
 _Doesn’t sound like dat shit._

 

(Sat 1:59am)  
Well, you don’t know me biaaatch! Or her, fo' dat matter.

 

_(Sat 2:01am)_  
 _I don’t need to. I’m goin ta guess dat she’s ridin' dirty on you wit tha playa whoz ass she’s rappin' ta n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do. Just peep n' peep if her hand reaches up ta bust a nut on his thugged-out arm…_

 

(Sat 2:02am)  
Jizzy Christ yo ass is such a prick.

 

_(Sat 2:04am)_  
 _And yet you keep textin mah dirty ass._

 

(Sat 2:05am)  
Yo ass keep replying.

 

_(Sat 2:07am)_  
 _At least I won’t be tha one savaged ta dirtnap tonight wit a petri dish._

 

(Sat 2:08am)  
Is you like dis up in real game?

 

_(Sat 2:08am)_  
 _Is dis not real game?_

 

(Sat 2:10am)  
Yo ass know what tha fuck I mean.

 

_(Sat 2:11am)_  
 _Afraid I don’t. It’s hard ta understand tha workingz of tha funky lil domes belongin ta dem less intellectual than a ant._

 

(Sat 2:14am)  
Ha! I wanna bust a nut on dat one.

 

_(Sat 2:15am)_  
 _You’re not supposed to._

 

(Sat 2:25am)  
Its late, everyone’s leavin now, nahmeean?

 

_(Sat 2:26am)_  
 _I be thinkin you mean early._

 

(Sat 2:27am)  
I be thinkin I mean shut tha fuck up.

 

_(Sat 2:28am)_  
 _Bitchy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So you should be leavin me ridin' solo now, right?_

 

(Sat 2:28am)  
No chance.

 

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

 

(Mon 12:15pm)  
Should I go fo' tha chicken tikka or tha tuna?

  
 _(Mon 12:19pm)_  
 _Oh here we go_.

  
(Mon 12:24pm)  
Never mind, I gots tha chicken.

  
 _(Mon 12:25pm)_  
 _Is there even any purpose behind yo' texts now?_

  
(Mon 12:28pm)  
Yo, mah sandwich fillin be a big-ass deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack fo' realz. Anyway, I just finished a cold-ass lil class n' I’m ridin' solo fo' lunch so I thought I’d bother you ta pass tha time.

 

_(Mon 12:30pm)_  
 _I’m not surprised you’re ridin' solo afta you dropped Fridizzle night textin me instead of engagin wit yo' actual playas. Muthafuckas is ghon be thinkin you’re hidin something._

 

(Mon 12:31pm)  
Is you proposin dat you’re mah secret freak?

 

_(Mon 12:33pm)_  
 _Absolutely not._

 

(Mon 12:36pm)  
So how tha fuck is yo dirty ass bustin yo' lunch?

 

_(Mon 12:38pm)_  
 _I’m currently freestylin up a hypothesis._

 

(Mon 12:40pm)  
You’re not goin ta eat?

_(Mon 12:45pm)_  
 _Eatin slows me down._

 

(Mon 12:46pm)  
Is you one of dem vampires then, biatch? Don’t eat, don’t chill, bit of a stupid-ass perverted muthafucka, biatch? I wouldn’t put it past yo thugged-out ass.

 

_(Mon 12:48pm)_  
 _Yo ass obviously haven’t read Dracula._

 

(Mon 12:49pm)  
Shoot mah dirty ass.

 

_(Mon 12:51pm)_  
 _Have you read anythang dat is intellectually stimulating?_

 

(Mon 12:55pm)  
Yo ass underestimate mah dirty ass. I’ve read some classics.

 

_(Mon 12:55pm)_  
 _Like what?_

 

(Mon 12:57pm)  
Catcher In Da Rye.

 

_(Mon 12:58pm)_  
 _Dull._

 

(Mon 12:59pm)  
Yo ass didn’t like it then…

 

_(Mon 1:01pm)_  
 _Only a idiot would smoke up dat shit._

 

(Mon 1:03pm)  
Ah aiiight, so you’re one of dem playas whoz ass be thinkin they opinion is da most thugged-out blingin thang up in tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.

_(Mon 1:05pm)_  
 _Only cuz I don’t store opinions, just facts._

 

(Mon 1:07pm)  
I feel like I’m seein a freshly smoked up side ta yo thugged-out ass.

 

_(Mon 1:10pm)_  
 _I didn't know I had a previous side._

 

(Mon 1:12pm)  
I guess you don’t know every last muthafuckin thang then.  
(Mon 1:14pm)  
Anyway, as much as I gots a straight-up boner fo' our lil talks, I gots a cold-ass lil class startin up in all dem minutes.

 

_(Mon 1:17pm)_  
 _I pray dat you learn something._

 

 

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

 

(Tues 8:20pm)  
Who’s John, biatch? Do I know him?

 

_(Tues 8:25pm)_  
 _No one yo. How tha fuck do you know bout him?_

 

(Tues 8:27pm)  
I gots a third eye.

 

_(Tues 8:27pm)_  
 _Greg._

 

(Tues 8:29pm)  
I kind of peeked at yo' beeper yesterday…

 

_(Tues 8:32pm)_  
 _Yo ass looked all up in mah text lyrics?_

 

(Tues 8:33pm)  
Honestly, I didn’t expect ta find anythang interesting.  
(Tues 8:34pm)  
And you was takin a long-ass time up in tha kitchen…  
(Tues 8:37pm)  
So…?

 

_(Tues 8:30pm)_  
 _So what?_

 

(Tues 8:33pm)  
This Jizzy fella yo. He’s ‘no one’?

 

_(Tues 8:36pm)_  
 _Yes, no one yo. Dude sometimes bothers me when da thug wants ta avoid his wild lil' freakadelic hoe or amuse his dirty ass at lunch. Our thugged-out asses don’t know each other._

 

(Tues 8:38pm)  
But you must know each other somehow.

 

_(Tues 8:40pm)_  
 _Dude busted a text ta tha wack number, which happened ta be mah dirty ass.. n' you KNOWS it was you whoz ass busted dat shit._

 

(Tues 8:41pm)  
Why’d you be thinkin that?

 

_(Tues 8:45pm)_  
 _I just assumed… you’re tha only one whoz ass has mah number n' shit. Besides my biatch Mycroft._

 

(Tues 8:47pm)  
Ah, right.  
(Tues 8:49pm)  
So, do you like him?

 

_(Tues 8:50pm)_  
 _Yo ass know I don’t like idiots._

 

(Tues 8:52pm)  
John ain't no idiot though, is I wrong?

 

_(Tues 8:53pm)_  
 _Debatable._

 

(Tues 8:57pm)  
Dude must be tha only thug whoz ass has straight-up made a effort up in yo' faaaaaace biaaatch! Dude must genuinely be thinkin you’re horny-ass if he’s still rappin' ta you afta yo' arrogant replies.  
(Tues 8:59pm)  
How tha fuck nuff times has dat happened?  
(Tues 9:11pm)  
Yo Sherlock?

 

 _(Tues 9:14pm)_  
 _This has all proved ta be a gangbangin' finger-lickin' distraction_.

 

(Tues 9:15pm)  
From what, yo?

 

_(Tues 9:18pm)_  
 _Things dat is mo' blingin than a puerile college hustla askin me which sandwich fillin da perved-out muthafucka should chizzle._

 

(Tues 9:19pm)  
Oh come on, it’s kind of romantic. It’s like it was freestyled up in tha stars!

 

_(Tues 9:20pm)_  
 _Piss off Greg, it’s not a god damn thang like dat at all._

 

(Tues 9:21pm)  
It could be, if you gave it a cold-ass lil chance.

 

_(Tues 9:23pm)_  
 _Have you been readin yo' sister’s magazines again?_

 

(Tues 9:24pm)  
Every night ;-)

 

_(Tues 9:25pm)_  
 _Yo ass don’t even know if either of our asses is gay. Jizzy has a hoe, remember._

 

(Tues 9:27pm)  
Yo ass don’t need ta be gay ta like one of mah thugz of tha same sex as yo thugged-out ass.

 

_(Tues 9:28pm)_  
 _What do you need ta be then?_

 

(Tues 9:30pm)  
In love.

 

_(Tues 9:34pm)_  
 _I’m endin dis conversation up in dis biatch, you’re bein ridiculous._

 

(Tues 9:35pm)  
Haha! I’m only teasin yo thugged-out ass.  
(Tues 9:42pm)  
Sherlock?  
(Tues 9:47pm)  
Fine, peep yo thugged-out ass.

 

_(Tues 9:56pm)_  
 _Git._

 


End file.
